Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
