I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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