Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
