I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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