I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
