i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
