we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Pooping to opera.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
