Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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