I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
