Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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