the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I lost the right to judge tonight
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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