My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
