Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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