a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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