ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
