I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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