You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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