oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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