At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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