I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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