I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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