Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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