i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
