i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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