I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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