It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
