I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
