i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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