apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
