Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
