and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
