I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
