For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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