Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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