I want to make a zoo with you.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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