all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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