a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
