remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
