I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
