JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
