glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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