My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
