fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
