just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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