She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
