A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
