so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
