My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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