I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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