Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
