I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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