Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Randomize
