just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
