Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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